Here are ten important tips, developed by Colleen Cicchetti, PhD, Clinical Director of the Illinois Childhood Trauma Coalition and Director of the Center for Childhood Resilience at the Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital, to keep in mind when trying to understand your child’s possible exposure to bullying:
- Peer relationships are critically important to tweens and teens. Beginning in middle school, a child’s self-esteem is impacted by their relationships with peers.
- Kids at this age are socially aware. They understand concepts related to popularity and being accepted socially. They have a strong inclination to do what their peers do and worry about being isolated or unaccepted.
- Any child can be a target for bullying. Anything that makes a child appear different can make them a target for bullying, whether it is something real, like a physical characteristic, or perceived, such as being a “teacher’s pet.”
- Many kids experience bullying. Research shows that nearly 30% of today’s youth report being bullied at some time.
- Kids won’t tell you unless you ask. Kids are reluctant to let adults know they are experiencing bullying. In fact, research indicates that only about 24% of children who have experienced bullying will ever tell their parents, only 14% will tell a teacher, only 41% will tell a friend and 28% won’t tell anybody. Kids tend to think that telling someone won’t help, so you have to ask the question.
- Look for warning signs. See a list of warning signs.
- Ask your child questions about their friendships and relationships with older kids. Children tend to respond better when you ask specific questions. Here are some samples:
- Who do you hang out with?
- Who do you sit with at lunch?
- Who do you sit with on the bus?
- Do you have a best friend?
- Are there kids who you don’t really like?
- Are there kids who don’t really like you?
- Are there any kids who tease you?
- Are there kids at school who pick on you or bully you?
- Know when to intervene. Kids usually don’t want a parent to step in, but if you feel they need adult assistance to prevent further bullying, you may want to contact a teacher, school counselor, coach, youth leader or recess monitor. You should also try to work with these people to find a small peer group that may give your child some added support.
- Build your child’s resilience. The best antidote to bullying is for your child to have a least one good friend and preferably a few. Structured activities and/or small groups may help a shy or nervous child increase his or her social skills and help create a stronger sense of self. This makes them more resilient and better able to deal with social problems with other kids.
- Learn more. Don’t ignore this potential problem. Tap into the resources on this website to help you learn more about how to identify and respond to bullying to help your child. And be sure to familiarize yourself with your child’s social media and online activities so that you can monitor more closely. By keeping computers and phones in public places and discussing activity with your children, you can demonstrate an interest and willingness to participate in this important aspect of your child’s social world.